You can't stop thinking. That's the whole point.

28 July 2026

I've been meditating on and off for several years now. The funny thing about meditation is that you don't really know if you're doing it right because everyone describes their experience differently.

Most people walk in thinking the goal of meditation is to think about nothing. An empty mind. Total silence.

Imo, that's not quite it.

Here's what my meditation actually looks like. I got this meditation thinking flow from the book "I May Be Wrong" by Björn Natthiko Lindeblad (good read, highly recommend).

My meditation "thinking flow"

I sit down, close my eyes, and start focusing on my breathing. Maybe I'm at my third breath, fourth breath, inhale, exhale, counting. Then suddenly I'm thinking about one of my kids or work. What needs to be done, when it needs to be done. I entertain that thought for a bit, go down a rabbit hole, start planning.

Then I catch myself. "Ah shit, this isn't supposed to be like that. Move away, monkey. Let's get back to counting breaths."

I've lost count. Start again.

"You can do this, Willis. Breathe in one, out. Breathe in two, out... Stay present…"

And then another thought pulls me away. The whole cycle repeats.

I think this cycle is meditation.

Metacognition

In my humble opinion, the actual practice is training yourself to notice that your thoughts pulled you away from your breathing and your calm.

You're not trying to stop thinking.

Trying to stop thinking is itself thinking. You just have to notice.

There's actually a word for this: metacognition. Thinking about your own thinking. Being aware that you're thinking (heh).

Applying it in real life

A friend and I were talking about this and he said something that stuck with me: the real meditation is when you apply it in real life, where it's not quiet.

People talking. Music playing. Vehicles. Birds. Dogs. Children crying. Someone making you pissed.

The very important thing is to be aware of what's causing you to feel a certain way before you make a decision you'll regret. You notice. You de-escalate. You pause.

Being aware is already a really good step. Some people aren't. They act on impulse (I'm sometimes guilty of this). But being aware and having the discipline and calm to do the right thing is gold.

It doesn't mean you don't get angry. That's a difficult ask. It means when you're angry, you might want to walk away, hold your tongue, think through it carefully. Be empathetic.

To me, that's what meditation is actually teaching. And knowing that's the goal, knowing the word for it, metacognition, makes practicing much easier. There's a clear outcome in mind. It's not just about chasing that tiny split second where you feel nothingness. (Though that is a pretty awesome feeling.)

I wanted to write this down for anyone who's tried meditation and felt like it didn't work. Too many people have told me that.

I suspect it's wrong expectations. The whole point is to practice noticing how your thoughts distract you. There's no way to stop them. The only way is to embrace them, gently push them away, and through that, you practice awareness. You practice metacognition.

That's how I'm slowly learning how to be more zen.